Monday, June 24, 2019  -  10:00 PM

Of course I think about your time. 

That's why I had encouraged you to go for a Master's degree - to continue your education, because that's always what made you happy.

There are so many instances where I think about how much time you've lost, but I try to remind myself instead that you still have some time left to do things you like. I want to be more positive, but sometimes it's hard and I can't help but think, Oh, if only things had been different. If only you hadn't had me, you could have done so much more with your life. If only Andrew had kept his promise and been supportive enough for you to be able to finish your education when you were younger, you could have focused on having a career of your own, doing something you wanted to do and were good at, rather than only taking jobs that you had to do, not because it was your passionThere's a lot I want for you. I want to make lots of money so I can buy you a home in San Francisco with a garden and a large kitchen; so that I can take you on a trip to Europe and go to all the places you've been wanting to go to (including those BBC sites); to allow you to retire, since you spent all your retirement savings on my education. 

I think about these things all the time.

Sometimes I feel so sad when I listen to music from the 80s, because this was a time when you should have been happy and working towards a career that could lead to a nice future, but instead you were struggling and suffering. And I wish you could have this time back to work on what makes you happy...I'm lucky that at this age, I have you to make me happy

Monday, June 24, 2019  -  10:00 PM

Of course I think about your time. 

That's why I had encouraged you to go for a Master's degree - to continue your education, because that's always what made you happy.

There are so many instances where I think about how much time you've lost, but I try to remind myself instead that you still have some time left to do things you like. I want to be more positive, but sometimes it's hard and I can't help but think, Oh, if only things had been different. If only you hadn't had me, you could have done so much more with your life. If only Andrew had kept his promise and been supportive enough for you to be able to finish your education when you were younger, you could have focused on having a career of your own, doing something you wanted to do and were good at, rather than only taking jobs that you had to do, not because it was your passionThere's a lot I want for you. I want to make lots of money so I can buy you a home in San Francisco with a garden and a large kitchen; so that I can take you on a trip to Europe and go to all the places you've been wanting to go to (including those BBC sites); to allow you to retire, since you spent all your retirement savings on my education. 

I think about these things all the time.

Sometimes I feel so sad when I listen to music from the 80s, because this was a time when you should have been happy and working towards a career that could lead to a nice future, but instead you were struggling and suffering. And I wish you could have this time back to work on what makes you happy...I'm lucky that at this age, I have you to make me happy

Monday, June 24, 2019  -  10:00 PM

Of course I think about your time. 

That's why I had encouraged you to go for a Master's degree - to continue your education, because that's always what made you happy.

There are so many instances where I think about how much time you've lost, but I try to remind myself instead that you still have some time left to do things you like. I want to be more positive, but sometimes it's hard and I can't help but think, Oh, if only things had been different. If only you hadn't had me, you could have done so much more with your life. If only Andrew had kept his promise and been supportive enough for you to be able to finish your education when you were younger, you could have focused on having a career of your own, doing something you wanted to do and were good at, rather than only taking jobs that you had to do, not because it was your passionThere's a lot I want for you. I want to make lots of money so I can buy you a home in San Francisco with a garden and a large kitchen; so that I can take you on a trip to Europe and go to all the places you've been wanting to go to (including those BBC sites); to allow you to retire, since you spent all your retirement savings on my education. 

I think about these things all the time.

Sometimes I feel so sad when I listen to music from the 80s, because this was a time when you should have been happy and working towards a career that could lead to a nice future, but instead you were struggling and suffering. And I wish you could have this time back to work on what makes you happy...I'm lucky that at this age, I have you to make me happy

Wednesday, June 19, 2019  -  10:51 p.m.

There are moments when I have vivid memories of certain periods of our past. Just now, while listening to "All I Can Do" by Chantal Kreviazuk, I remembered the time that we lived at Johnson Creek: I was 14 then and you had just started going to school. I remember that you had bought me my very first laptop - a white Sony Vaio - along with a light green Microsoft cordless mouse. It was also around this time that you had bought me an iPod shuffle, my first MP3 player. 

These things mean so much to me, perhaps more now than then, because although we didn't have an overabundance of money, you always made certain that I had things that you thought I needed or could benefit from and, whenever you were able, things that I wanted. That's why I have such a hard time parting with old possessions, including that laptop even though it no longer works. I know I often seem ungrateful, probably because I am very selfish by nature, but I often reflect on the things that you've done for me and continue to do for me. I also try to work on making my gratitude more apparent so that you can feel it. I guess I'm not very good at this because I still behave in a way that is ungrateful, selfish, and immature. 

I'm sorry.

 
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